Dear Dr. June,
My mother is coming to visit me, my husband and my teenage kids soon. She spent Mother’s Day with my brother because he doesn’t have children and he can dote on her, and my husband can dote on me since I’m the mother of his children. She says that, but she thinks I’m a bad mom.
I have to let her come because she is my mother, but she complains about how I let my kids have too much freedom, even though they are good kids with good grades who have never been in trouble. Am I supposed to keep them home all day and night?
She gets in the way with her ideas when I’m trying to cook and checks for dust like you see moms do in the movies or on TV. I love her because she is my mother and she means well. It’s just exhausting, and it stresses me out when she’s here. What can I do to calm my nerves while she’s visiting? — Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I have heard of this from the in-laws. But from your own mother? You poor dear.
Well, let’s take it from the top.
Regardless of her thoughts about your parenting skills, it was still nice that she let you have your own celebration on Mother’s Day. Give her some props for that. Your teenagers are doing well. That is what really matters, not her thoughts about it.
Let her talk. Just nod your head. Better yet, put on some music and yell out, “Dance alert!” Then start dancing and invite her to join you. It matters not if she joins in. Enjoy yourself and relieve the stress through the music and movement.
Let’s move on to the cooking and cleaning. Move out of the way and let your mom have at it. Tell your mom she’s right and let her show you. Basically, you can turn it over to her and let her finish the cooking. I know, right? Relax. Then, when she starts checking for dust or areas that are not up to her standards, let her know she is free to help. You can say, “Let’s get this cleaned up together.” And don’t forget to thank her. You can also plan activities in advance to keep her busy. Have some fun with her.
Sometimes we cause stress on ourselves that is unnecessary. Your mother is not moving in. She is just coming to visit. Enjoy the good parts and learn to accept the annoying parts, especially since you are aware of them in advance. Also, here is a little reminder: Some people don’t have a mother or one who is interested in being with them. When she is no longer here, you’ll be glad you spent this time with her.
Email Dr. June Hall at drjuneaptacious@gmail.com and subscribe to her YouTube “Cooking up Advice.” For more information about Dr. June visit www.drjunehall.com or follow her on Instagram @aptacious.
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