This is my last column under the title ”financial editor,” so it also is my last chance to share with you some of my favorite business press releases.
My column will continue to appear in this space on Sundays, but because I`m moving to other duties at the Tribune, I`ll no longer have the high honor and privilege of sorting through hundreds of releases mailed every week to the business editor. You can bet that I`ll also miss all those followup phone calls from press agents. Not.
I`ve written before about how we handle press releases on the business desk. Most have little or no news value (Category I) and are summarily tossed out. A few (Category II) have important information that can be turned into a news item or story after we add some reporting of our own.
But the category I`ll miss is III. These are the ones we keep for entertainment . . . and to have something to write about when things get slow. These being the dog days of August, it`s time for another peek into the Category III folder, which I have further divided into sub-categories:
III (a): David and Goliath, the musical.
NEW YORK, July 23-Copyright Infringement Suit Brought Against Alf`s Pub of Dolton. Broadcast Music Inc. (BMI), the world`s largest performing rights organization, has brought suit on behalf of its songwriters, composers and music publishers against Alf`s Pub at 599 E. Sibley Blvd. in Dolton. . . . Among the songs cited (for copyright infringement) are Ritchie Valens`
”La Bamba” and J.P. ”The Big Bopper” Richardson`s ”Chantilly Lace.”
III (b): Easy to make fun, but did they pay the claim?
To: Chicago Tribune. For immediate release. When it comes to filing claims, the Prudential has found that insureds sometimes say the darndest things. Here`s a sample from some recent claims . . . a hemorrhoid sufferer with a fear of heights: ”I was standing on the dresser trying to look at my rear-end trouble, when I fell and broke my leg.”
III (c): Breaths for success.
”Success in 240 Seconds” by Jim Leman, certified professional consultant, Thumbs Up Associates, Libertyville. Four minutes-240 seconds-is all you have in any new encounter to establish the kind of rapport that invites productive business. . . . This breathing technique will help you center youself: 1. Inhale, and as you do, say to yourself, ”Inhaling, I am focused.” 2. Exhale, and as you do, say to yourself, ”Exhaling, I am centered in the moment.”
III (d): Party on, ladies.
ORLANDO, July 29, 1992-Tupperware today denied erroneous news reports that it is switching from home parties to catalog sales.
III (e): No kidding.
NEW YORK, Nov. 25, 1991-While most companies provide severance to employees who are terminated through downsizing or reductions in force, senior executives generally are given more favorable treatment than rank-and-file employees, according to a Coopers & Lybrand/Compensation Resources survey.
For Immediate Release: CHICAGO-Unemployed executives in Chicago and Milwaukee are pessimistic about getting a new job, according to a survey of 434 outplaced managers by outplacement firm Lee Hecht Harrison.
Rochester Institute of Technology News Release: RIT Professor Says Recent Job Losses Nationwide Mean Workers Must Learn How To Handle Workplace Adversity.
III (f): How far is that from Mt. Rushmore?
Dear Business/Financial Editor: In an era of ballooning budget deficits, increasing taxes and skyrocketing business costs, Corporate America is taking a careful look . . . in the area of site selection. One national case study is South Dakota and its development jewel-Dakota Dunes.
III (g): Make something up.
News Release: How To Keep The Boss Happy-For Bosses Day, give the gift of improved performance-by Nancy Friedman, The Telephone ”Doctor”(reg. trademark) . . . Tip No. 3: When the boss calls in, never tell him or her that ”nothing is going on.” She will wonder why you`re needed.
III (h): Worth at least 20 cents.
Dear Business Editor: In the past year, the word paradigm seems to have insinuated itself into the English language at every turn . . . business is struggling to ”shift paradigms” in order to merely stay afloat. . . . Two men who triggered their own paradigm shifts are conducting a special seminar in your area in April.
So there you have it-a sampling from the Category III file. Special thanks to the publicists and press agents who crafted these gems. As we said last year, remind your clients that any publicity is better than none; that we spelled their names correctly; and that it beats being filed as a Category I.
