Meet the mob — RedEye’s “Sopranos” super fans mob. But whatever you do, don’t mess with Kyra, Leo, Tracy, Jimmy and Tran. They’re connected. Or at least that’s what they’d like you to believe.
You’re David Chase. How will the last episode go down?
KYRA: Tony gets plugged. Paulie Walnuts will remain perfectly coifed, and if there is any justice, A.J. will earn a swift kick to the rump, preferably by a fed-up Carm.
LEO: Tony meets a fate worse than death when he is forced to meet Carmela at an Olive Garden for dinner.
TRACY: Tony flips Phil, then moves to Florida to open a chain of Lincoln Log sandwich stands with Carmela.
JIMMY: Since I’m David Chase, I’ll do what he would do and not tell you a damn thing. But since, sadly, I’m me, I’ll tell you Tony will be betrayed by Paulie Walnuts and die in a hail of bullets back at home. The last shot will be of Carmela at the funeral … smiling.
TRAN: Sil wakes up from his coma and comes to Tony’s rescue, wiping out Phil and all of his men.
Give the show’s last season a grade and say why.
KYRA: B+. It moved more slowly than I liked, but it was light-years better than the hospital-focused “Golden Girls” pace of the previous season. No more dream sequences. Please.
LEO: A+. Tony on death’s door, Johnnycakes, Christopher’s downfall. What more could people — *cough* Kyra and Tracy *cough* — possibly ask for?
TRACY: A soft B. The first half was too much bada and not enough bing.
JIMMY: An A. Not an A-plus only because I’m still a little bitter I had to wait more than a year for these final nine episodes.
TRAN: B. I’m with Kyra and Tracy. Step off, Leo!
Which character most deserves/deserved to be whacked and why?
KYRA: Tony is just asking for an offing. That reptilian stare. Killing at least two of his own cousins, Tony B. and Chrissy. Stealing recipes right out of the magazines in the doctor’s office. Does this man know any shame?
LEO: I’m sorry, but Jackie Aprile Jr. had it coming. Meadow, you deserve so much better. Now, I know a couple of good law schools in the area …
TRACY: Melfi. Her breakup with Tony was way harsh. JIMMY: A tie between Artie Bucco and A.J. Soprano. What a couple of weenies.
TRAN: Could someone please put A.J. out of his whiny misery?
What’s your favorite “Sopranos” fashion statement?
KYRA: The white “wings” in Paulie’s hair. He’s a brutal assassin with style. Hair style, that is.
LEO: Viva las bowling shirts!
TRACY: White Bruno Maglis, white belt. All the cool kids go the Full Cleveland.
JIMMY: It’s close but the attire of the Bada Bing girls comes in second to what Tony dragged himself down in every morning. He may be a sociopath, but the man knows how to wear a robe.
TRAN: Sil’s pompadour. What can I say? The man is smooth.
How will you deal with “Sopranos” withdrawal?
KYRA: Watch “The Shield,” a brutal hybrid of “NYPD Blue” and “Sopranos.” Anti-hero Vic Mackey and his Strike Team are just as evil, yet likeable as the Soprano’s crew, sans the accents and the velour track suits.
LEO: By maybe throwing a severed head into my next batch of spaghetti.
TRACY: I’m hoping that David Chase flip-flops like Billy Donovan and “The Sopranos” returns for another season. So basically, I’m in denial.
JIMMY: I’ll whack my TV.
TRAN: I’m booking myself on a Sopranos tour of New Jersey.
