I’m going straight to hell when I die.
Early last year, I met a woman on MySpace. She was cute, but her photos only showed her face. Despite that red flag, I chatted her up over several days.
I agreed to drive down from Rockford to meet her at a Lake In The Hills restaurant. She beat me to the table, and I saw from a distance that she was a bit, er, “thick” for my tastes. It then dawned on me she likely kept images of her body off the Internet on purpose.
So I ran out of the restaurant, hopped the metal gate like “The Six Million Dollar Man” and jumped into my car.
My conscience caught up with me briefly, but I ignored it, hit the gas and peeled off. I drove to Chicago and sat with my boy Vernal over beers, looking for justification for my actions.
There were none. I did that girl wrong — period. And I wish I could take it back.
I’ve had a little trouble sleeping at night as of late, so this column is an apology of sorts to all the women with whom I’ve taken a cowardly approach when rejecting.
I’m not a believer in karma, but I acknowledge only pain will come my way if I continue do wrong by peoples’ feelings.
My deserting that girl is just one example of unsavory behavior. I’ve shut down women without offering an explanation; I’ve stopped calling; I’ve moved on emotionally while someone was still attached.
I used to justify such behavior as not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, which is only partially accurate. The truth is it mostly has to do with my own fear of dealing with the situation.
It’s ironic that one of my biggest pet peeves is being ignored. There’s a big difference between “I’ll get at you later,” and “I’ll get around to you when I get around to you.”
I can attest that being on the receiving end of the latter stinks when feelings are involved.
I also detest the last-second date-break. Throwing my complex schedule into upheaval doesn’t make me sad; it makes me want to go to war.
Actions resonate much louder than words, and revealing your intentions through inaction or careless cancellations isn’t the mature way to go.
Even worse is inexplicably breaking away from an established pattern (which I’m guilty of) or saying irreversibly acrimonious things designed to save you the trouble of breaking things off (also guilty).
Complete honesty is underrated when it comes to dating: I have the utmost respect for ladies who tell me flatly that they’re not interested in dating me. Dealing with the situation openly is a lot more painless than disregarding the calls, e-mails and text messages.
Just be prepared to hear things about yourself you might not wish to. My experience is that when you tell someone why you aren’t compatible with them, they may respond with vitriol that may be less truth and more anger and emotion.
What I did to the woman in Lake In The Hills was the ultimate form of cowardice and disrespect. I can’t necessarily make it and my other transgressions right, but I will be on the phone with apologies.
And I’ll cut the cowardly lion act out.
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RITAREDEYE@TRIBUNE.COM
